More thoughts on the emotional aspect of IF
The psychological aspect of infertility is very difficult indeed. The journey can be long and brutal on both emotions and relationships – and is often filled with heartbreak along the way. Each person deals with grief in their own way. Some people like to keep it all inside and some people need to talk through issues with loved ones. Still other people like to talk through issues but they feel more comfortable with an objective third party such as members of a virtual discussion board or maybe a professional therapist. I would encourage you to seek out support from any and all of these avenues when you need it…and you may find that your needs change over time. The main message board that I recommend on my website is here. It’s a great source for emotional support and factual information including recommendations on protocols, doctors or next steps. Just talking through your feelings and what you’re going through is very cathartic. And to realize that other people are going through it also is somehow reassuring – it helps you to realize that in fact you can survive it.
It also helped me to have a plan of action in my mind. I had given myself a window of time after my initial high fsh diagnosis to keep investigating and trying with my own eggs. And I determined that after X months if I wasn’t pregnant, then we would move on to donor eggs. We were in the process of pursuing donor eggs when I became pregnant the first time. I think having an action plan – e.g., we’ll do plan A for x number of months or x number of attempts or whatever, then move on to plan B for y number of months and then on to plan C, etc. It enabled me to take things one step at a time and it helped me to understand that if plan A failed it would be very sad indeed but that we would move on to plan B. Knowing that there is a backup plan helps immeasurably. Be open to changing the plan based on circumstances, but at least go into it having a loose roadmap. The process of developing the roadmap with your partner is extremely beneficial as well because it forces you to discuss many various issues so that hopefully you both will be on the same page as the journey continues.
Another piece of advice when figuring out how to proceed is to keep trying until you get to the point that you’ve overspent – either physically, financially, or emotionally. It is possible to overspend in any of these areas and you need to know yourself well enough to stop before you’ve gone too far. The journey is incredibly difficult and only you can know if you are ready to go on or whether it’s best to change course.
Also keep in mind that your partner may need to have his own channels for working through his emotions. Encourage him to get the support he needs also so that he doesn’t keep his emotions bottled up. The journey will be easier for both of you if you tap into the many sources of support that are available.
